It is not the first time that I meet a mother or father who tells me "is that I compare my son with his classmates ...". And I wonder "Does it help to compare children?". The answer is a definit no. Well, I lie: you could answer yes, but the answer is not pleasant.
And it is that always, and surely unconsciously by parents, the comparison between children of similar ages has been present over time. Even the children themselves are compared among themselves by highlighting virtues or defects of one another and obtaining some social recognition among them ("Fulanito can not say dog ... ").
Surely we will have heard more than once in a park (place where one can encounter a multitude of situations, both pleasant and unpleasant) as someone tells a child to observe how well a child does things or how he obeys everything his mother tells him a girl. Is it really necessary to make them go through this?.
Many times these comparisons are linked to a self-fulfilling prophecy that will finally make the child act as we say we expect him to act. We might think that this is not so bad, but unfortunately, as long as these types of labels are linked to these comparisons, the result is not precisely the desire for their parents ...
Nobody likes to be compared to other people, especially when those comparisons are not precisely to tell us anything good. We must avoid the false belief that if we make children aware of the differences between them, we will make them strive to be better. On the contrary, what we will achieve with this practice so little recommended is that the little ones feel helpless because they cannot respond to the expectations of their surroundings.
For example, it occurs in many families with more than one child who often compare siblings to each other in order to encourage one of the children to mimic the positive behaviors of the other. This is not all bad, as long as let's not make anyone who says it feel frustrated.
At the end of the day, as you may have read me many times in this blog, every child is a world, and we cannot pretend to compare between them, even if they are family or very good friends, because they are not identical clones. We must not forget that everyone will have to forge their personality in order to know how to function, in the future, independently.
A good practice that replaces the comparison is that of inspiration. This means teaching the little ones to be happy for how others are and to motivate them to try to make an effort in what they stand out, instead of trying to do the same, and with the same capacity, as others.
Think about it if we are saying things similar to "all the time"Fulanito does this very well, you could imitate him"or"You could learn from Menganito and his way of being"We are telling him, in a masked way, that we don't trust them. And if they notice that we don't trust them, we make them doubt themselves. This, obviously, is not what a father wants a son. That's why , it is very important that our children notice that we blindly trust them.
One piece of advice that I give to parents who come to consultation concerned about the language or speech of their children is that of see your strengths instead of your weaknesses. Many times we forget the importance of reinforcing the positive behaviors of our children.
In addition, one of the issues that continues to be constantly present in our society, and that directly influences the comparison between children, is that of bullying. Our role as parents is to let them see that each person is unique, and that we are very proud of how they are.
I would like people to stop wondering if it helps to compare children to start remembering that you only deserve to compare as long as Each one will compare itself.
