In the Month of the Father and given that today the Father's day in Spain, we wanted to make an interview with our Armando, a committed and loving father whom many follow in the blog.
A few days ago we invited you to ask the questions you would like, which he has kindly answered, always with the common sense that characterizes him. We have divided the interview into two parts to make it easier to read. We miss it.
Do you think that the love for your wife changes from the moment she is a mother? Does it grow, is it different? Does the family change the love in the couple? How did you see it before and how do you see it now? Do you argue more or less?
Obviously, since we are parents, our relationship has changed. First because now we have three children and more responsibilities and second because seven years have passed since we had the first child and, logically, we also grow as people. All this means that we mature individually, but that we also mature as a couple. With more people at home there are more points to talk or discuss, more decisions to make and, in general, we now discuss more than before. Well, perhaps, more to discuss, now we debate more than before, because there are more issues we have to control. Having children tests a relationship, because he is very tired physically and psychologically. That is why there are relationships that end up breaking when the baby arrives. In our case, I have the feeling that we get along better than before (I guess children can help improve the relationship, or make it worse if it was not too well), but I also have the feeling that the best is yet to come. There are so many hours that we dedicate to our children for the fact of being small and dependent that at the moment they are more independent there will be time for many more things, among them being able to talk with Miriam without the children calling you from different points of the home because they have an urgent need.
How have you lived the deliveries of your wife? What have you felt when you saw her in the process of giving birth, the pain of contractions ... a kind of pity, pity for her? I have always wondered what a man feels towards his wife at that moment.
I would say that you feel a little helpless, because you want to do something to help and you just don't know what to do or how to do it. Too bad… it tastes bad that it hurts and it tastes bad that it is tired, but it is not pity or sorrow because then, when you see the baby crowning, when you see that it is progressing, you feel that it is almost like magic, and you cannot feel sorrow or Too bad for someone who does magic, but admiration. That is why when giving birth a husband kisses his wife, to say "you have done it!". I don't know ... I couldn't see the first one and it was a bit weird, but the other two I saw them live, next to them, and it's two moments that I will remember all my life.
How do you organize to school with three children? How is the intimacy of a couple taking school with children and adults?
Collecting with three children turned out to be complicated, really. We have a bed next to ours, where the medium sleeps, and since it moves a lot and we do not trust, we decided to put a barrier that divided both beds, despite being together. Then there was the area after the barrier free of danger for Guim, since then came mom. However, having Jon on the other side there was no possibility of changing sides to the little one to give him an alternate breast. Besides, when the kid woke up Jon did it too, and the next day he seemed to be more tired. For this reason we suggest you sleep in your room, in your bed, and agreed. Since then he sleeps alone and we collect with two children, being really cocky with one, because Aran is still in bed attached to the barrier. As far as privacy is concerned, as always, from the moment they fall asleep until the first awakening comes there is a time span of about 2-3 hours in which it is quite difficult to wake them up. It's all about taking advantage of those moments.
Having three children, how do you organize the game? Each child will claim a game for each having an age. Is there a time for everyone or do you play something in common?
Well, the truth is that we don't organize it in any particular way. We just go living and playing. There are times when the time is right for us to play together and there are times when we only play with one in particular, or perhaps with two. Jon, the eldest, is very autonomous, and can spend hours doing his things (drawing, painting, reading, with the iPad, etc.), the medium does ask for more play, but has something that Jon did not have in his childhood, an older brother. By this I mean that they both play a lot together, and that gives us more air to parents to share if necessary.
If I remember correctly, you had a child in high demand ... how do you combine it with the rest of your children? Do you have to spend more time than others? and if so, how do others do it?
Yes, as you know the term "high demand" is nothing more than a way to call or classify some children who, being normal, have strange behaviors compared to most children. Jon, the eldest, was a baby in high demand. After the years, I would say that with 3 or 4 years the thing calmed down a lot. Now, with seven, he is a child of the most autonomous, so right now there is nothing that is a problem. The medium was very demanding too, but I would not say that he was a child in high demand because, despite having very hard times, the behavior was not as intense as with Jon. With regard to Guim, the little one, we had the feeling that it would be too, because the first months have been very, very hard. Now with almost a year, on the other hand, he can be with well-known people that we are not parents and he also spends time playing with his brothers, so, although he is almost always in arms and backpack, he is not as intense as the elder.
You perceive in your environment some kind of distinctive treatment in favor of one of your children to the detriment of others, and that is how you act. We are very concerned about this issue of "favoritism," and we are outraged that some relative is coming to "worship" one of our children and forget about his brothers. And if you allow me another question: in your experience as a father and health professional, do you think that the children "in the middle" (the 2nd of three brothers, it is understood) are more problematic or conflicting?
Well, the truth is that I have never noticed any treatment of favor towards any of our children by anyone. It is true that the little one, because he is the little one, attracts more looks, but everyone also plays with the elders and talks with them, so we have not suffered that problem. If it happened, I don't know, I would try to investigate the feelings of my other children, to see how they feel (because there will be children that do not affect them), and in case of observing feelings of rejection I would try to talk to the adult who so little tact loves one and leaves the rest aside to explain frankly what my other children feel. With regard to the second question, it is usually said, yes, and in my case it seems to be confirmed, because the medium has bundled us up a few. However, lately it seems to be calmer and perhaps we could relate it to age rather than the fact of being the middle one. I remember that Jon, the oldest, had more tantrums at his age and was more intense in many ways, harder to redirect. However, he is now a very communicative child who does not give any problem. Perhaps it is a matter of memory, perhaps if Aran (the now middle) was now 7 years old and Jon (the now older) was again 4 years old doing the things he was doing then, he would say the same, that the medium seems to be the worst . I am a medium (I am the 4th of 6 brothers) and if I had to say which is the most "pearl" of all, I would say that it is the smallest, the sixth.
Tomorrow we will publish the second part of the interview to our Armando, who will continue to answer the questions you have sent him.
