If you are a father or mother, surely on more than one occasion you have kissed your son on the lips, or he (or she) has kissed you, or if you have not done so, you have seen other fathers or mothers kissing their children in that way. Children kiss us on the lips imitating adults when we kiss each other or in response to learning: as we kiss them on the lips, they correspond to us.
It is a sign of innocent love, of love, to show them that we love them or as a sign of farewell or reunion. A little kiss when we're going to separate, "so you know I love you," a little kiss when we meet again, "so you know I've missed you." No one sees anything dangerous or negative about it, except dentists, because increases the risk of caries, and some psychology professionals like Dr. Charlotte Reznick, who says that we should think twice about kissing children in the mouth.
What increases the risk of tooth decay in children?
Yes it is. Says the Spanish Society of Pediatric Dentistry, that we should not kiss our children on the lips because we have a higher risk of caries. In this document (some psychology professionals) with information and recommendations on caries say the following:
The microbes that cause tooth decay are acquired. The baby is born with a sterile mouth and is gradually invaded by germs. The transmission of these microbes comes, in the vast majority of cases, through parents, in the same way that a simple flu can be transmitted.
There are different ways of transmitting microbes to the child's mouth; Sometimes parents use their mouths as a cleaning mechanism for a pacifier, the nipple of a bottle or a spoon and even cut their food with their own mouth. Other times it is the custom of kiss the children in the mouth.
It does not have to do that adults have cavities or not, simply the exchange of saliva can transfer these germs to the child's mouth. Therefore, the main recommendation is to clean the pacifiers well with water, never with the mouth and do without kisses on the mouth, however endearing they may seem.
And why do you have to think twice before kissing them?
The Dr. Charlotte Reznick She is a psychopedagogue and associate clinical professor of psychology at the University of UCLA. As he comments for a few years, the issue of kissing children is quite controversial because of "you start when they are young but when do you stop doing it?". Because kissing a small child is not the same as a child of, for example, 10 years. To avoid this dilemma, recommends that parents stop kissing their children on the lips anymore, are as old as they are.
As we read in The Stir, a website where she often participates as an advisor, if we take the example of a 6-year-old girl kissed by her father, we have a completely innocent action on both sides, but that it can be dangerous if then the girl goes to class and tries to kiss her classmates on the lips. It will also do so innocently, but in the eyes of third parties, already at that age, it could begin to be considered sexual harassment:
When a child reaches 4, 5 or 6 years old and their sexual awareness begins to exist (and in some children that happens before, like when we realize that they start masturbating at 2 or 3 years old, when they have just discovered their intimate parts and feel good) the kiss on the lips can be stimulating for them.
Apparently, Reznick has had to intervene in some cases happened in US schools, because there they have very much in mind the issue of sexual harassment, even in school, as a case in which a boy kissed another girl in class . As he explained to Babyology:
The boy entered the class and kissed a girl on the lips. School officials were not sure if their behavior was impulsive or if it was more a matter of sexual harassment. They were close to expel him but in the end they did not do it in exchange for receiving counseling sessions.
We do not know the age of that boy, but she is talking about children of all ages (including preschool) and it is obviously not the same as a 4-year-old boy kissing a girl of the same age, as a child of 10 years with a classmate, without her permission. In any case, it ensures that there is no need to kiss them on the lips, as parents, because It is a sensitive area that is easily stimulated with contact.
He asserts that he does not mean by this that he is wrong, or that until now they have done something very negative, but simply to explain the reality so that each father then works as he sees fit.
Well, I've kissed them on the lips (and I would do it again)
Now it comes when you, as fathers and mothers, give your opinion about what you just read. Charlotte Reznick is a psychology professor, author of books for parents and, as you can see, she advises in educational centers, as a psychopedagogue, and it gives me the feeling, when reading her words, that I am "listening" to the baker.
With all due respect for the bakers, I hallucinate when I see that he explains, so calmly and probably without being unchanged, that a child at 4-6 years has developed his sexuality and could be sexually harassing a partner or that a 2-3 year old child years that touches its parts, it does because it already has sexual conscience. As I explained here in Babies and more 7 years ago, the fact that a child of that age touches the genitals is a natural act of exploration and knowledge of your own body and, as such, we should not censor it. They touch, like and do and repeat.
Similarly, kissing on the lips has no sexual connotation for children, or mockery or harassment. If they do it is because they want to repeat a pattern or because they care for another person. In fact, it is usual to see children of 3 or 4 years kissing other children of 3 or 4 years and I doubt that no one says that they are gay. That nothing would happen if they were, but since they have not yet developed their sexuality, it is absurd to start saying that they are one thing or the other.
So I confess: I have kissed my children in the mouth. I've done it many times, but many, from the love and affection I have for them, and I love it when they kiss me (in fact, my profile picture on the WhatsApp is one in which Guim kisses me on the mouth ). Now we don't do it anymore. They are 9, 6 and 3 years old and I don't kiss them on the mouth. Why? I don't know, nor have they asked me to stop doing it, nor do I avoid it in a conscious and premeditated way. It's just that Now I get to kiss them on the cheek.
But come on, if I still kissed them on the mouth I would have no problem doing it in public, or saying it. In fact, contrary to what this psychologist suggests, and without being a holder of your curriculum, I recommend the opposite: kiss your children on the lips as much as you want, and until the age you want. Children are intelligent enough to realize that adults only kiss the people we love on the mouth, and that is why when they grow up they will not kiss unknown people on the lips, or all their friends, or dogs from the park, or the psychologists who write books. And if they do something like that, or try, just explain what does a kiss on the mouth mean in the world of the elderly to do so when they deem appropriate.
Kiss them a lot, as much as you can, unless you want to avoid increasing the risk of tooth decay. Then it is better not to do it, that is true.
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In Babies and more | Kisses on the mouth to children, yes or no ?, Children have to be able to choose who to kiss and who does not
