I don't know if it was the egg or the chicken before. I don't know if pediatricians and nurses started giving advice on how to raise children because fathers and mothers asked for them or if we started offering them because they left us. Well, I don't know, because I've actually been a few years as a pediatric nurse and when I arrived, this was already done.
It happens that pediatricians and nurses have become, because the parents have left us or asked us, in the guides in terms of childcare and child rearing. Come on, now we not only give health and food advice, but we also talk about sleep, jealousy, tantrums, punishments, the child's autonomy, self-esteem, etc.
In a moment of uncertainty, that in which we are depriving ourselves of the authoritarianism of the previous generation and the parents do not know very well where to throw, it is not bad that a reference figure appears to go to in case of doubt. Now, it's bad luck, not to say it seems like a bad joke, that let the pediatrician or nurse tell you how to raise your children and give you advice from decades ago.
The sheet that tells us how to educate our baby in sleep
This sheet is passed to me by a well-known Facebook mom, who received several sheets with tips for raising her nine-month-old baby. In point 4, that of the dream, which is what you see, advise that the child go to bed at the stipulated time and that they should leave him alone even if he is crying. Only in case the crying is prolonged, go to be clear that nothing happens, without catching or anything and, if so, leave him alone again. Parents should tell him that they will not take him or take him out of the room, but with peace of mind. As a routine, they advise to put music, read a story and leave toys in bed.
In case the child is able to leave their room they recommend putting a barrier on the door. If you wake up, you might need some peace of mind, without being caught or fed.
Tips from decades ago?
No doubt they are tips outdated long ago. They are probably the same advice given to our parents, or those that they could have read in the parenting and education books, if they existed at that time. In fact, either they have been photocopying or transcribing over the years until they reach the current date, or someone has brought them with a time machine or they have taken a book to educate a dog and have changed the word "dog" for "child".
Bedtime
They say the child has to go to sleep at the stipulated time. But of course, by whom? Who stipulates the hours at which babies sleep? Because on the sheet it says nothing. Do parents decide it? Does the pediatrician or nurse say it on the day of the visit? Should it always be the same or does it change on weekends? How does a nine-month-old baby know it's already a weekend? Does a baby know what a Saturday is? If one day we spend time because we have not had time to put him in bed at the stipulated time, should we wait for the night of the next day to put him to bed at the stipulated time?
We will leave you alone, even if you cry
That in case you are not sleepy, it will make you cry, sure. If we stipulate a time that occurs to us, in which the baby is not yet sleepy, then he will cry as a complaint. Translating the crying would be like saying "What are you doing? I'm not sleepy! Why do you put me in bed if I don't feel like sleeping?" And this will be repeated because You will feel abandoned to a dream that does not come.
The logical thing, the normal thing, if your son cries, is that you attend to him, that you are for him. But of course, if you make him cry, it's a bit weird to attend to him, isn't it? "I know you're crying, it's my fault!" And on the sheet they tell you to do the first thing!
Go if you don't stop crying
They say then that if the crying does not give way, we go, but without catching it, to see if nothing happens to it. What can happen to him? If we put him in peace and put him in bed he starts to cry, have you caught an infection suddenly? Have you had a fever that you didn't have? Could you have dropped a piece of roof? Could there be monsters in the room? I don't know very well what to look at. Because I arrive, I see him crying and I say "hey, this child does not stop crying, something happens to him". Then my two neurons suddenly connect and I conclude "it seems to me that you are not sleepy or do not want to be alone!", I am amazed at the brilliance of my mind and then I have two options: to end each night's story, pathetic, in that I cause discomfort in my son and I cause discomfort myself, suffering from his crying, or let him cry thinking "how strange, there are no monsters, he has no fever, he does not seem to have an infection, the roof is still intact and yet he continues to cry."
The barrier that divides the love of loneliness
Sometimes I wonder how our ancestors, those who lived in the caves, did to make their children sleep with 9 months. Then, I give myself the answer. At that time there was no IKEA, there were no wooden barriers or rooms, so sure, very sure, they put the child in some isolated area of a cave and to prevent them from leaving they put a lot of stones as a barrier or wall. There must be paintings that stage that moment, all that remains is for some explorer to find them.
Because you will tell me if not, how they would get a child to sleep, if not. Therefore, with the advance of the times, in the same way that we have evolved from the fire to the ceramic hob, from the caves to the floors and from the cold floor to the soft but firm mattress, the stacked stones have derived in the barriers for the doors, so useful and practical that I can't understand how it is possible that almost nobody uses them (I'm being sarcastic, of course), with how well a child should feel capable of getting out of bed, in the suffering of loneliness, seeing how after each pitfall saved, an even worse one appears, in endless tests that They force, night after night, to sleep only when their parents, who have no fear, instinct or thought that makes them feel insecure if they are separated, sleep together.
Instinct. I repeat: instinct. Babies hate loneliness and darkness by instinct. They don't want to bother or show at home who sends more or anything like that. They simply feel in danger and try to drown that unpleasant feeling with the contact of their caregivers, with whom they feel safe.
Not everything is wrong
To Caesar what is Caesar's. There is one point that seems perfect to me: "You should not clothe him too much if he does not want to." Children are, as a rule, less cold than us. That is why many are uncovered and that is why we should not cover them too much. In that they have succeeded. But it is the only thing at that point. The rest, as I say, something like reading a book to which you have removed the dust after taking it from a very high shelf.
