I hate lies because I have heard many as a child, I do not lie to my children even when they have been younger and I had trouble getting them out of the park: I have never told them "let's go back now." Why avoid confronting the truth?
Lying is a fact that is based on the falsity of the content that is transmitted, knowing that the truth is not told, that is, it constitutes an intentional deception. By this I do not mean that all the lies of the children should concern us.
I think that a consistent behavior and according to family values, honest and above all free of hypocrisy, is a good legacy to leave children. Although when I look around I observe a society that is quite far from this ideal situation, which does not mean that families should not emphasize the value of "truth."
When young children develop a fantasy world around some of their activities (games, relationships with other children, etc.) they are not lying, nor do they expect more benefit than the complicity of children - and older - with it. The age from which children can have clearer reality is established in the seven years, and with it the possibilities that can be obtained by distorting it. Obviously it is only an indicator, because it will depend on the maturity of the child, and it is also true that not everyone will use the “lies” in the same way, since the reasons for doing so are not always present.
Why do children lie?
As a general rule, they may use lies as a reaction tool to a situation they do not expect and do not know how to deal with them, but there are three easily identifiable reasons:
They lie because they feel pressured (usually by their parents), sometimes our expectations are unrealistic and too high to fit the reality of our children. There are kids who try so hard to please their parents that not living up to the demands becomes a reason to lie.
They lie because it is what the parental model offers them. Every day there are many opportunities to get closer or away from the truth, and parents always educate (even when we say nothing). If the mother gives an excuse to a friend for not receiving her visit (instead of saying she does not feel like it), if instead of apologizing for being late we attribute the blame to a traffic jam (imaginary), etc. we are lying (even if they are not very serious lies) and children may behave the same way.
They lie because of fear, Afraid of what? To be punished for not having passed the exam, to be excluded by your group of friends. In short to be how they are: imperfect people (like other human beings) who need the support of others.
It seems that if parents run away from lies, they listen to their children and allow them to be imperfect people, if they accept their mistakes (helping them improve), if they improve family communication ... lies can be avoided. But you can't be so simplistic either, so we could talk about things to avoid
What can we do to prevent (which is always better than cure) lies?
Show our disapproval of this behavior, talking about the consequences of lying, and also about the convenience of "truth", emphasizing the positive aspects of the latter.
Teach by example.
Show our pride because they were able to tell the truth.
Test solutions to act in unexpected situations. For example "how would you act if you forgot to look for the book for group work and your classmates stay with you when you leave class?" A possible solution to this is for the child to let them know that he needs one more day to find the material (because he has forgotten it), or that at lunchtime he will be allowed to find the questions about work on the Internet ...
What will we not do when children lie?
We can't laugh lies That children say, it is not the same to enter the "imaginary game" to have fun for everyone, than to play cheating with intentionality. If we do, we may transmit different values to those we intend.
It is also not convenient to adopt a too severe attitude punishing or threatening the child who lies. I want to say that they should know “what we expect from their behavior”, but they also need to have the possibility to correct it by their own means and with the guidance of the parents.
We will never be accomplices of a lie in children. And this is what the elders know how to do very well when we put a lie on our lips, "tell the teacher that you have not finished homework because we have lost the pencil."
Another day we may continue talking about the lies and their consequences that (as the secret of the blue egg tells us) are unpredictable, also of their derivatives (rumors, etc.).
