We have left decades behind a style of childcare in which mothers had to take almost exclusively care of the children, while the parents dedicated themselves to bringing money home and then resting.
Now parents get much more involved, and there is a legend that says that there is a father who no longer helps at home, but is as active as the mother. The problem is that some parents are getting involved in the care of their children in the wrong way. It's those parents who they prefer to bottle feed to feel that they are participating in the care of their children.
When the father enters to decide
I have not heard it many times, but once. I see a newborn who is drinking artificial milk and his parents explain to me that they have decided to do so because the father could also give him a bottle, since I was excited and so he felt part of the care.
I understand that for parents, for us, it is also important to take care of our children and feel useful. However, look that there are things we can do with them, and go and choose the one that should be at the bottom of the list.
The decision to breastfeed a baby, or to breastfeed, should be of the mother and her baby. And look, if you want we put the father, but only if he will say that better chest. If not, your vote is not worth it. And if we get to vote, maybe we should also listen to the baby's vote, that we know yes or yes that it is "I want a tit", because the biggest beneficiary or the most affected of the decision turns out to be him, the one who is not being left to choose.
The protagonism of the father
On some occasion I have read women explaining (it is what they have to read forums, Facebook and things like that) that their husbands complain because with so much breast, so much maternal warmth and so much bond the baby will only love them.
I can understand this concern, but I do not share it at all, and that I am a father. Let's say that, speaking badly and soon, "if you wanted me to need you at birth, to have gestated and given birth."
But since it is not a plan to speak like this to any parent, the most logical thing is to explain things as they are: babies are born knowing mom, knowing how it tastes, how it smells, how it sounds when it speaks and, when it is seen at birth, how it is. She is her primary caregiver and, when she starts breastfeeding and holding her, the bond between them is strengthened, something that must happen so that the baby always has someone to take care of her, someone of first reference.
As the baby does not know if his mother is married, single, "regretted" or divorced, he does not care too much about who put the sperm, and they do not recognize us as caregivers, at least good at first.
But since they are not fools and are social beings, if they are eaten and at ease, they have no problem with being in our arms, listening to our noises, our words, receiving our caresses and our kisses and beginning to know and love.
Come on, there will always be times when they need mom more than dad (when they cry), but there will always be times when they will be great with us. At the beginning it is so, it is not necessary to divide the baby by time, half an hour you and half an hour me. It is more a question of what you need at each moment and, for our part, of knowing how to take advantage of the moments in which we can create the link with them, and there are many, many moments of those, without needing to take a bottle.
But so the mother rests
Yes, I know, if you say it until the AEP in the Childcare Manual that you published a few years ago:
The bottle is an aid that can benefit the mother and help her rest, especially during the first days after birth.
But no. It should not be like that. If a child has to end up taking a bottle for whatever reason, the ideal is that it is still the mother who gives the bottle, whenever possible. The link exists and has to be strengthened. The child needs that contact, that known smell, that feeling at ease when it comes to eating, and that is why it is recommended that the mother do it, even opening the shirt, pulling up the shirt or doing what is necessary for the baby to have that skin-to-skin contact with mom, still taking a bottle.
When it's over, then come, it's our time. We take the baby and walk him to burp, we rock him to sleep and we sing a lullaby, or if you want a song from the Rolling, or the Beatles, or if you like Fito's Spanish rock, Platero o Tide (try to avoid Justin Bieber's at all costs, they produce nightmares). And we stayed with him, walking him, until we sat on the couch with him in our arms, taking advantage of that moment to look at him, listen to him, feel him. Watching his closed eyes move, listening to his breathing, focusing on his soft but messy hair, barely able to follow an order or after being combed, on those nails that seem embedded inside the fingers, which make us doubt if one day really they will go out and, ultimately, in all those things that we can see in a baby and that make us love him more every day.
That is to participate in his care, that and when we smell poop change his diaper, that and when he plays, give him a bath, that and when we feel like playing with him, that and filming together doing the clown, so that Mom laughs for a while , that and realize how difficult it can be to dress him, with so many layers of clothing so narrow, that and, also do things at home, because although it may not seem like it, when you clean the kitchen and pick up the dishes you are exercising as a father and partner as well.
Or did you think the only thing you could do for your son is to give a bottle for a little while?
